Days like this, Times Like These, all I want to do is get in my car and drive to the mall. Drive to the Grove, to be exact, and park on the roof and look at the 360 degree panorama of Los Angeles (that no one looks at because no one likes to park on the roof) and then go shopping until I feel bad about how much money I've spent instead of the really sad stuff.
I know it's easy to make fun of, but sometimes the plastic things are the only ones that work. I think it's the smells that calm me down: the rubber and aerosol and burnt towels of the chain gym I go to, the new-clothes and carpet of shopping. And the bright lights, and the boring music. The same everywhere, always what you expect.
Someone sent me one of those "quiz requests" on facebook, and the quiz was called "Things You Wish You Had More Of." I thought: sweaters, tights, hair conditioner, perfume, headphones for my iPod, earrings. It turned out to be about personal qualities, intangibles: beauty, fame, creativity, intelligence. I thought, maybe I am unusual because all I want are some new CDs. Printer ink. Liquid eyeliner, strapless bra, gel pens. I don't care about athleticism or friends or fame or intelligence, I just want to be alone with shelves of tomato sauce, racks of dresses, cases of flax oil supplements and boxes of ballet flats. The most intangible thing I want more of is conveniently-timed spin classes.
Today I went to Banana Republic and tried on all the party dresses. It was quiet, most people had finished shopping I guess, and I spent lots of money. I went to Whole Foods afterwards. They were closing at 6:00, but when it got to be 6:00 there were still dozens of people shopping, including me. Whole Foods employees started walking around saying, "You better get in line, or the registers will be closed!" So I hurried and got on line, even though I was having trouble deciding on some vitamins. But then there was an announcement over the loudspeaker: We had 20 minutes more to shop. I felt cheated! I will just say it, because I'm in favor of honesty: it was hard for me to care about the Whole Foods employees who wanted to get home to their families.
My sister N. called me while I was on line. We went to see "Juno" last night, after our family dinner plan got canceled. She was just checking to see if I was okay, she said. She's going to visit her mom in the morning but she invited me over tonight to listen to the Rihanna CD she just bought.
I came home and rushed to the gym, but they were closing even earlier than they had claimed they'd be closing, so I only had like 10 minutes to work out. Rip-off! When I left, the girl at the front desk said "Happy holidays!" I think that's such a weird thing to say on Christmas Eve, isn't it? Like, obviously it's trying to be inclusive of people who don't celebrate Christmas, but if you don't celebrate Christmas, why would you care?
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2 comments:
lyric poet of late capitalism
N
Dude, FIRST PARAGRAPH. That is why we are friends. And staying late at Whole Foods. I found myself at Trader Joe's on Christmas Eve after sitting on a hilltop for an hour. It was a great view. Somehow the Manchego cheese I needed for the mashed potatoes didn't seem as urgent when I was up there.
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