I can't believe my 100th blog post was a Square One video, and I didn't even notice!! That's so 2008. In 2009 I'm going to try to pay more attention to these things.
Breaking with tradition, I had a really fun New Year's Eve, which included a party on a roof right next to the Eiffel Tower and an open bar including champagne and guava juice. Despite all the challenges I face or feel like I face, I am so lucky and grateful for the life I have, and it's this kind of night that reminds me.
I have been thinking about my mom a lot recently, especially because it's the holidays, especially since I've been staying in a place that is so rich with memories and feelings of her. It's been a year now since I last heard her voice -- since anyone last heard her voice -- and almost a year since she passed away. It is a loss that I don't think I will ever come to terms with, but every day that passes in reflection I feel a little bit more capable of living the rest of my life, and I think that's something.
My mom used to talk to me about a healing meditation where you imagine a river circulating through your body, washing away toxins and bringing new health. I think grief can be like that if you let it stagnate, so maybe by letting myself really feel it, I'm bringing myself closer to renewal, or at least practicing a little preventative medicine.
When my mom was in the hospital I stayed at my parents' place. Their DVD player was broken and so my dad and I watched a few movies in my (old) bedroom, on the computer, including "Me and You and Everyone We Know," which my mom had liked and my dad had never seen. I'm sure everyone has seen this movie 50 times, but I love this opening, which popped into my head when I was walking down the street a couple days ago:
"it's life, and it's happening, it's really, really, happening."
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