Tonight I am cleaning out my childhood bedroom, which my mom "converted" into a place to contain her piles of purses, psychoanalytic journals, and failed electronics. I just found a credit card receipt that she signed from the Veselka, the restaurant across from my parents' apartment, that's dated December 28. She went into the hospital on the 26th. When I read that I thought, wait, has this whole thing been a mistake? It was like the dream I had, right before she died, that she came to my apartment to pick me up and drive me back to the hospital to see her. Then, I realized it was from December 28 2006. It's 2008 now!
Today I worked at my "writing consultant" job all day. Usually it's just helping undergraduates write essays for Core classes, but today I had mostly graduate students -- a big relief. Even better, they were all guys, and all cute. I know, you are probably saying to yourself, "this is a travesty, Zoe is not qualified to give advice to real graduate students." Well, I agree, but we live in an unfair world. At least I know that you "impregnate" a solution rather than "seed"-ing it, and that "World's Fair" is capitalized and has an apostrophe. At least there's that.
Yesterday I went to see a psychologist up at school. I was hoping she would give me some kind of emergency psychological relief package -- you know, some mood stabilizers, some coupons for Ben and Jerry's -- but no such luck. I told her I've been sleeping on my parents' couch for the past three weeks and that I'm freaked out about going home. She said, "you should go home." I told her I've been having trouble sleeping. She said, "you should go to bed earlier." I told her I think I might be depressed, and she said it doesn't count as depression if something sad has actually happened. The spin instructors at the gym I go are more helpful than that! Anyway, I was going to go home tonight, but then I didn't.
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Screw that lady!!! Who is she to tell you what to do?? She is breaking all rules of counseling by "giving advice." She should be reported!!! That's like the lady who told me I had dysthymia within the first 10 minutes of our first session. Needless to say it was the last. Then I found out she went to my grad school and I was like, "Shit, that means I'll probably do the same thing to my clients one day." For what it's worth, I say stay on the couch for as long as you want to! That is normal!
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